Homes4Men, if nothing else, is about helping guys mature their homes. We mature everywhere else in our lives. We wear suits and ties to work, no longer make jello shots for Christmas, and no longer camp out in the cold for Call of Duty releases. If our homes are a reflection of ourselves, we want them to show our guests that we have stepped up from our days of $6 a liter vodka and taping pages of Maxim to our bedroom walls. In the last week, I have seen a few different places that seem more like a boy’s dorm rooms than a place where a real MAN lives. With that said, I wanted to do a list of solid “don’ts” that are way too common now a days.
This article is really for laughs. There are tons of more serious advice on the site.
Having Only One Towel: When you lived in a dorm and your space was limited, having a singular towel was permitted (Don’t ask me why). We had limited drawer space and having a half dozen towels would take away from your collection of Ironic T-shirts and collection of “exotic” liquor bottles. Now, seeing as there is a solid chance you will have guests and they may need to use the shower in the morning (Strong Wink intended) you will want more than one towel. I You don’t need four of five different sizes of towels for each designated part of the body, but at least one “body sized” and one hand towel is probably a minimum.
Sub Par Wall Art: Once again, I did it myself. I would go to the liquor store and ask the guy behind the counter what posters they were getting ready to throw out. Every November I had a new collection of scantily-dressed girls in Halloween costumes taped to the dorm walls and some “Slutty leprechauns by the beginning of April. This is no way to decorate in any home you needed a credit check to get into. You don’t need to abandon “sexy” to get more mature wall art. However, you likely need to spend money and get a frame. Scotch tape doesn’t do it.
Media Everywhere: I never made it a secret that I love movies, video games and electronics. And while the TV may have become the new “hearth” of the home over the last 50 years or so, it should remain subtle. Having a milk crate with your Blu-ray Player, PS3, and Xbox 360 along with a pile of DVDs on your media stand will always look tacky. Invest in something with drawers (If for no other reason than to hide that Julia Roberts movie). When all is said and done, it needs to look clean. Women understand if you are a movie buff, but they don’t want to see them in old boxes of printer paper and on whatever flat surface is near the TV. She also doesn’t want to risk sitting on a old N64 controller every time you feel like playing Goldeneye for nostalgia’s sake. Get a media stand with cabinets and drawers, or buy an ottoman where you can store Seinfeld box sets.
Preserved Foods: I know when you live alone cooking a large meal can be the last thing you want to do at the end of the day. Yes, some days a bowl of Lucky Charms or a microwaved Hot Pocket is excusable, but when it becomes a dietary staples its time to take a good long look at yourself. To many women, this shows that your either can’t cook or worse, you are too lazy and don’t care about your appearance. Making a salad with some grilled chicken or a grilled cheese (I suggest with Bacon and Pepper Jack myself) take just as long as microwaving that Hungry Man dinner. Grow up, step away from the microwave and take a cooking class if you have to, but don’t settle for something buried in the back of your freezer section every night.
Classy Bar Ware and Booze: I know you probably don’t have the budget to pick up a bottle of Blue Label, but odds are you can spend more than $15 on a bottle as long as you are not a binge drinker or total alcoholic, you can pick up an occasional bottle of Black/ Green Label. While I am not a sommolier, I do know there is a difference between Power’s and Michael Collins Single Malt. I also know that what you serve the liquor in makes a big statement. A Manhattan can go in a rocks or martini glass, but a Solo cup is out of the question. If you want your home to be more presentable, the devil is in the details, and serving drinks in your measuring cup is inexcusable after you turn 22.
Beds: Crashing on a couch or a futon is excusable once and a while when you had to much to drink and you want to crash at your buddy’s place. However, you should not be doing it every night. Spend some money and get a real place to sleep. Sleeping on a air mattress s great as opposed to a hardwood floor or the ground in the woods, but not in your own apartment. And a futon mattress is effectively a large pillow, and after a while it will become flat and the padding will migrate away from where you lay down. Grow up and get a real bed. Your back and neck will thank you in the long run. Your date will thank you in the short run.
Clothes Everywhere: I understand the feeling. You worked for 9 hours, drove for 2, went the the gym for and hour and a half and kept pants on the entire time you cooked as well (Only because you are grilling outside otherwise you would have been in your boxers). Now that you have eaten and realized your current bra wearing companion isn’t coming over tonight, the rational for wearing pants in your own apartment is at an all time low. However, no matter how much you want to see “Pardon The Interruption”, there is no reason to leave your pants on the floor. For $30 you can get a decent hamper. Even if you want to be cheap, a garbage bag for dirty clothes is still better than having a percentage of your wardrobe on your office chair. That wasn’t OK when you were 8, and now that you are 25 it is just ridiculous.