Window Treatments for Guys

I know, this sounds like oodles of fun. How many jokes can this guy seriously force about valances and blinds? I know, it is not an easy task. The truth is if you want to be able to walk around your house in your finest birthday suit, window treatments are a good pick up. After that, the only rules you really have to follow are the good naked/bad naked rules. After all, what is the point of having your own place if you need to wear pants all the time?

As I have said before, while women design emotionally men design functionally. When it comes to window treatments, this mean go simple as opposed to complicated. A window with a lot of frills and lace doesn’t keep out the light any better than a simple solid colored one with no real pattern. Here is a short list of what to look for in window treatment and what not to get. As always, no need to take me too literally.


Solid Colors– This is probably the most masculine window treatment design out there. It is simple, it accomplishes the goal and doesn’t take focus away from the flat screen. I personally prefer darker colors or at least thicker materials, especially in the bedroom. This way when you decide you need a man-nap at 3 in the afternoon, you don’t have to worry about the sun poking through.

Blinds– There is an opportunity that your nosy neighbor can see through whatever fabric you pick if it is not thick enough. However odds are pretty good she cannot see through wood, plastic, or metal. My house actually came with antique aluminum blinds that I have been using a lot, but I also have Levelor Oak blinds that I really like as well. These usually work best with a curtain, but you can do what you want. It is your home after all.

Manly Patterns: I know you may not know  a manly pattern from a feminine pattern off the top of your head, but it is easy when you consider what type of things are manly. Look for outdoorsy patterns like leaves or possibly animal patterns. This works particularly well with a craftsman style home. Sports themes also work. You can look for patterns for fishing, boating, golfing and many other sports. Plus most MLB, NBA, and NFL teams have window treatments for sale, but be careful that the room does not look childish at the end of it all.If that doesn’t work, look for patterns that have straight lines as opposed to anything floral or lace.

Of these, I prefer to stick with simple solid colors or very simple patterns like stripes. I don’t like to over complicate things, and following Occam’s Razor in regards to window treatments is always a good idea.


Floral or Lace: You would think this would be a point that didn’t need to be said, but it is. Avoid anything in your room that looks overly delicate.

Fringe– There has been a lot of drapes and curtains that have strings fringe similar to that of Persian rugs. These accomplish nothing but look decorative, and if they start to come off (Cats love to attack these things apparently), it will really look horrible. Instead, but something simple that doesn’t have un-needed extras.

Valance–  What is the point of covering the top 25% of a window and leaving the rest exposed? Don’t give me the “trying to cover the curtain rod argument either. Why spend money on a valance when you can get a decorative curtain rod for $10? The only Valance you should allow in your home is Holly Valance.

Any Questions?


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