Five Things I Learned NOT Watching the Royal Wedding.


I am not big into the celebrity culture. Just because someone looks good in front of a camera does not mean that I am going to stop my day to look up who they are hooking up with. Needless to say, I didn’t watch the Royal Wedding. I felt my time was better utilized doing just about anything else. So when I turned on T.V. at Seven AM to watch the news and catch the weather, I saw about fifteen seconds of “the wedding of the century”. I was not happy. I decided that I would spend my day doing anything other than watch TV. Luckily, having just closed on my new home on Wednesday, I had plenty to keep me busy. I quickly found out that avoiding the television and working on the house was the best course of action and much more productive than I would have been listening “the dress” discussions.

Since some people were not so fortunate to be doing something productive, I decided I should share a few things I learned or remembered on Friday.

1) A fresh coat of flat ceiling paint can be a pain in the ass if you don’t have very good eyes for color. Putting a coat of white paint on a white ceiling is tough for the 5% of guys who are in fact color blind. The best tip is to use a lot of lighting. The wet paint has more of a reflective signature that brighter lights can pick up on that normal lamps may not. If you are still having problems, Glidden has a great ceiling paint that applies pink but dries white. While I didn’t use it Friday, I have used it before and thought it worked well. For around $32, it could be worth a try for you.

2) The bathroom in the house I bought was originally built in the 1950s and hadn’t been updated since. The whole room had what I thought was pink ceramic tile. Needless to say that it had to go. However, when I actually started ripping it down I discovered it was all actually a plastic tile. It turns out the mortar that was used simply reinforced the tile to a degree that it made a similar sound to real ceramic. These were individual plastic tiles, not sheets. I have been searching for these online and haven’t been able to find a site for them yet, but if I do I will update this page.

3) Having friends and family that work for beer is a great thing when you buy a house.

4) Finding tile can be a very lengthy process. I had better luck at Lowes myself, but Home Depot has some good options. I actually found tile that had been discontinued at a more premium tile store. Seeing as it is a smaller bathroom of only about 60 square feet, this was fine. I bought a few extra boxes because you never know when the tile will chip or crack.

5) It seems that no matter where you go, people will still bring up the wedding. Someone brought it up in a landscaping store while I was buying grass seed. SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL? TWO BRITISH PEOPLE ARE GETTING MARRIED! JUST BECAUSE ONE OF THEM HAPPENED TO BE BORN TO A BORDERLINE INCESTUOUS FAMILY WHOSE MATRIARCH WEARS A CROWN DOES NOT MAKE THEM SPECIAL! ITS A SIGN OF DEMENTIA AND IT ISN’T CUTE ANYMORE GRANDMA!

Luckily, Usama bin Laden is dead and no one except myself is talking about it anymore. However I had this more or less written so it is going up anyway.

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